The Laundry Pile

I stare at the clothes piled in the corner of the closet and a flow of sadness rush through my veins. 

He lied. 

Two days prior my kids had just finished folding their clothes and were instructed to take them back to their rooms and put them in the appropriate drawers. My eldest returned too quickly. 

“Did you put them in the right drawers?” I ask. 

A nod of the head, yes. 

“Are you sure?” 

Another nod. 

“Ok, so if I went back there and looked they would be where they should?” 

I truly don’t want him to get in trouble later. 

“Yes mommy!” 

I believe him. 

Now, two days later as I’m orchestrating us out the door to an activity I see the pile in the corner of his closet. And as a mother who dearly loves my boy and desires the best for him, this pile makes me sad. Grieves me. I don’t feel bitterness because “How dare he lie to me!”. I am grieved that he broke our relationship of trust. I am sad that he chose the lower path rather than higher ground. I want better for him.

And just the same, my Good Father sees my pile. My laundry that hasn’t been sorted and cleaned but is filled with rags of pride, comparison, envy, greed. It’s quite the large laundry basket. 

And unfortunately this pile has included lying as well. I look on my son with compassion as we walk to another room to address the situation without the watchful eye of siblings.

A quote from Donald Miller in his book “Scary Close” bursts into my mind as we pile on my bed. Miller says “I’m noticing a common characteristic of healthy families… The characteristic is this: kids with parents who are honest about their shortcomings seem to do better in life. …”

I thank the Lord for the quick reminder to be open and transparent with my child and share my own story. Shame and hiding never bring about healing and hope. So I shine some light.
I have failed, mommy is not perfect. I have made piles before too. And will again.


Shall we pray? Shall we ask the Lord to help us both with our piles? Shall we ask Him to help us reflect Him better and walk in love and light?

He nods his head, yes. 

As we pray, me leading and then him repeating, tears well in his eyes and stream down his soft peachy cheeks. And I thank the Lord in my heart because He is doing a work in my boy. He is doing a work in me. He is doing his mysterious work of refining, character building, and disciplining all with an atmosphere so full of love. Lord, help me to do the same as a parent.

Our community group recently read a book called “The Cure”. The authors create a scene where the lead character interacts with God about his “trash pile.” In my case, a laundry pile…

 “Before God was always ‘over there’ on the other side of my sin, obscured by the mound of trash between us. But now I realize He’s here, with me. I can picture it as clearly as if it’s happening. He puts His hands on my shoulders, staring into my eyes. No disappointment. No condemnation. Only delight. Only love. He pulls me into a bear hug, so tight it knocks the breath out of me for a moment. At first, I feel unworthy. I want to push away and cry out, ‘I don’t deserve this. Please stop. I’m not who you think I am!’ But He does know. And soon I give in to His embrace. I hear Him say, ‘I know. I know. I’ve known from before time begun. I’ve seen it all. I’m right here. I’ve got you.’

And now I’m holding on with all my might. He stays right there in the moment, until He’s certain His love has been completely communicated and received. Only then does He release His grip, so He can turn to put an arm around my shoulder. He then directs my sight to that mound of filth now out in front of us. After several moments, with a straight face He says, ‘That is a lot of sin. A whole lot of sin. Don’t you ever sleep?’ He starts laughing… He’s been holding me with utter delight, all with my sin right here in our midst, never allowing it between us. He wants to know me in the midst of this, not when I get it cleaned up.”

When our conversation ends and the tears dry my son went back to his room and one by one gathered the displaced items and put them back in their rightful place. My hope and prayer for both him and me is that we would not allow our “laundry” to leave us swallowed but that we would rise again in strength and freedom because our God is with us in it, ask for forgiveness, and rely on Him to help us clean up the mess.